Que Sera Sera

Earlier this week Amma turned 83.

She’s just over 5’ tall. But has managed to break through many a glass ceiling!
Being married (away) at 18 instead of being in college with her friends (much like her brother), didn’t deter her one bit. She never faulted her (single) mother’s circumstances, time & place.

So her 3 daughters happily became beneficiaries of her zest to pay it forward. Mom walked 2 miles up and back every ‘night’ with her oldest, so she could graduate while still working. She relentlessly battled biases to break the stereotype, so one could be an engineer. She recognized and nurtured the academic successes of another, so she could get a masters degree.

Until almost her 30th year, mom could only read (and write) in one Indian language and spoke 1½. To keep up with her children & their children, by age 60 she spoke and read 5 languages, which happily included English. It is no easy task to keep up with her book requests. No thank you, digital won’t do.

Mom’s always had a good voice, but her means didn’t justify musical education. She just made an art of listening to music – great musical performers, her children, her grandchildren, friends, friends of friends, radio and internet. She has an amazing raaga map she taps into, that never fails her. Music to her is the best medicine – even for arthritis.

What we saw between our parents was pure, unconditional love for each other. What we saw after my dad’s passing away when mom was 54 was great strength and resilience. As she dealt with her daughters’ crossing regional borders in matrimony, mom faced traditional challenges with grace and poise.

Mom traveled very little outside of Bangalore. Few months after we lost dad, she hesitantly (you mourn for a year and not travel !) agreed to make a trip to the US. It was a journey of many firsts for her – the first plane ride, first time outside of India and solo, first time attempting to speak and understand English. She then went on to do it another dozen times, and became a self-appointed advisor to other solo international travelers.

Travel brought out a childlike excitement in learning new skills. She took to creating works of cross-stitch that adorn our homes. In her early 70s there was a sudden burst of poetic energy that filled a book of Tamil poetry. Nature, man-made wonders, people, cultures – she was fascinated by it all.

Mom networks zealously. We are in awe of her ability to memory chain when it comes to people, places and dates that keeps her database always current. Her friends include family, our friends, their families, our children’s friends and the list goes on. All along remembering dates of birth, anniversaries, and events, it gets mildly intimidating.

Mom has been a lifelong learner. She traded childcare for learning music and English from grandchildren. Always disciplined, she learnt to exercise and never misses a day. She diligently schedules her daily activities, even her phone calls.

Now I ask her –

“Will I exercise, will I read, will I listen to music, will I sing, will I stitch, will I write, will I still
network, when I am 83?”

And she says –

“Que Sera Sera,
whatever will be will be. The future’s not ours to see.
Que Sera Sera”!